1 lb (minimum) jalapenos
1/2 lb or more of serranos
several cayennes, more is better
a couple of different kinds of meat, at least 2 lbs of each
lots of garlic
several pinches of sage
a couple of pinches of thyme
4 or 5 tablespoons of dark chili powder
2 cans of diced tomatoes
4 or 5 cans of beans, at least two of them black beans
ground black pepper
salt
six pack of beer
butter
a small bunch of fresh cilantro, not too much
a handful of white rice
If the meat is not ground, cut it into chunks
Melt butter in a big frying pan, and lightly brown the chunks of meat, while drinking beer. It is OK if you spill a little beer into the frying pan.
Dump the cans of beans and tomatoes into a 2 gallon stock pot, and add some water. Crank up the heat, turn it down to medium once it starts boiling. Open another beer. Hurry up and drink it, it's time to chop the jalapenos.
Chop the jalapenos to your preference, then add them to the pot. Add the meat. Add lots of garlic. Add sage and thyme, and chili powder, while drinking another beer. Once the pot comes back to a boil, turn it down to a heavy simmer, and cover.
Open another beer so that you can add a little bit to the pot. Drink the rest before it gets warm, waste is a sin.
Chop the cilantro and the serranos, and sprinkle a little beer onto those. Drink the rest of that beer.
Add the cilantro and serranos. Take a break and drink a beer, you have been working really hard.
Chop up the cayennes really small, being careful to keep your hand cool by wrapping it around a cold beer very often.
Send someone to the store for more beer, might as well make it a 12 pack this time.
While you are waiting for them to get back, add the cayennes and the rice.
Once the rice is added, you need to stir very regularly. This is very strenuous labor, and should never be attempted without an ample supply of beer.
Once the rice is completely softened, serve frosty mugs of beer with small sides of chili. Don't get carried away with the chili, remember what the main course is.