FROM THE LIARS BENCH
Snowed today. It was a fairly good storm and I wasn't planning on doing anything so I had a drink or 3 waiting for the power to go out. I decided to go blow the driveway and about half way done a bunch of snow machines show up. I immediately pulled the bottle out of my skidoo suit and passed it around and they passed around what they were drinking. An hour or more later and lots of likker down range one guy decides to go for a spin. It's an old Olympic, probably a 70-73 or so that the hood clips on etc. Anyway, he squeezes the throttle, gives it a pull and it fires and is gone! It's maybe a 300cc or so maybe 340 at biggest, but damn can that thing climb! It went up the road and across the ditch at a 45, jumping up the other side and climbing the steps to a neighbors house crashing into the door and knocking it open. Luckily it veered off and didn't go in, it just kept going, between the front of the pickup and over his snow bank into the next neighbors yard, across his lawn, through the ditch and off the side of a car parked on my side of the road. By this time the boys fired their sleds and were after it, (I took another drink..I couldn't chase with a blower now could I?) and watched them go up the road screaming after this thing. Last I saw it was back on the far side of the road, climbed the steps and busted through the gate of the guys pool beside his house then blew out the other end of the pool fence. It dropped maybe 6ft and went screaming out of sight. About 10 minutes later there was 4 cop cars, 2 fire trucks and an ambulance in the road in 3ft of snow. Cop asked me if I knew what happened so I said "I saw some guys chasing a kid, looks like the kid stole the sled I guess". He said my eyes were glassy, was I drinking? I said his eyes looked glazed, was he eating donuts? The wife looked out the front window as I was being stuck in the back of the cop car, ran to the front door and yelled "don't bring him back this time" Women, can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em for parts...course if you could, and it was by the pound
I'd ...anyway..Cops in the front seat reading me the riot act, after 5 minutes of writing and telling me all this stuff about public intoxication I said I'm not drunk I was just blowing my driveway and my face is froze, that's why it's red. He turned and looked at me and said your red face is only the beginning. Well that was enough, I started yelling racism and screaming I'm being held because I'm a native (I'm not, I'm whiter than Martha stewart....why the hell did I go there?...anyway, I'm screaming, he's screaming and a female paramedic comes over to the car and knocks on the cops window. I notice she's native....he, he, he....he's stammering, I'm screaming and now she's upset and writing notes. The other cop pulls open the door and drags me out, telling me to go in the house. I got by my door and start yelling it's a cover up! The cop's a racist and it's being covered up! Just then a snowmobile comes tearing down the road, sees the cops/firetruck/ambulance and slides around and takes off. It looked like a benny hill show, snowmobile and everything else up my road, across the subdivision and back around the loop and out the other end, sirens blaring and lights flashing, just needed the music. I pulled out the bottle and finished he last big pull and tried the door...locked. So I went to the garage where the aging takes place and got another bottle. I was fairly well into that bottle when I realized the back door on the house is never locked. Went in and she said she's going to bed. (at 8:32!?) I put a show on and fell asleep, just woke up, it's 12:22 and I got a text from my buddy saying they caught the sled about 6 miles from my place on the far side of the 4 lane jammed between two trees, track still spinning. They couldn't even follow where it went, jumping ditches, through back yards and front lawns, through alderbushes, across four lanes of traffic...old steel chassis thing is a tank!
And how was your day today?