Bidets: Hygenic Alternative or Erotic Playtoy?

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I took a huge dump this morning but there was some 'afterburner' activity throughout the day that led to many HUGE farts, which then created an itchy cream that I couldn't address till I got back to my bidet.


This is no balarney; All I had to do is sit down and 20 seconds later it was over.

No itching, hasn't bothered me the rest of the day.

I promise; that part of my body is the cleanest right now after a hard day's work...but impending doom is coming between the milk shakes and cheese pizzas that are on the way.


All the years I've dealt with wetting toilet paper usually didn't work, and would find out the hard way when I would be eating later on that underneath my fingernails I cleaned a little too much, and now I can smell it when I bring my tortado to my fat face! GAHHHH!!! :mad:

Using a wash rag is ideal but it's never the same, unless you physically shove it partially up your nooks and crannies to get any residual. But I'm here to tell you that it just works.

It freaking ruins my damn day when I have issues with itching and burning from what tasted good the night before.
 
I am seriously considering getting one of these contraptions.
 
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I would too, but I heard you need to wire a plug near the toilet. They have battery operated ones, but who wants to replace the batteries all the time?
 
I would too, but I heard you need to wire a plug near the toilet. They have battery operated ones, but who wants to replace the batteries all the time?


Mine is water pressure operated only. Someday I'll own the more elaborate type.

I don't have the problems I mentioned above all the time, but the times I do this product couldn't fit a better match.


The only problem is you'll know when you're forced to make bowel movements somewhere other than home base, you'll feel dirty not using the device, still wanting to get back and clean yourself.

I wish this product was out 30+ years ago. I can't tell you how much aggravation it's been from time to time.

When I did concrete work, it was the worst. New construction forced you to stay in the field for hours, and if that situation cropped up it was difficult, as now you're doing your best to stop it, you're in a portolet and after two episodes of wiping your instantly getting rashed, wiping harder so you don't have to do it again.

And you know that shower when you get home will help tremendously, but cue in the next day when you're still rashed up?

It never ends it seems, and quite painful, a nuisance problem.
 
On a side note, I have read that the electric eye automatic faucets now come with a small hydroelectric generator, using flowing water, to charge this system for its next usage. Have they designed these butt loving contraptions to work on this same principal yet?
 
The battery operated models are horrible. They are sold under toto or vivi. just junk. The kind Dunbar is talking about is the absolute best for the money. I sell a bunch of toilet seat bidets and I know longer have the expensive electric models. I still sell them but I don't need one in my house. Just the inexpensive ones for me. until you use one for a week or 2 you will never know what you are missing. I'm willing to put a money back garuntee on it. The only catch is you have to use it.

Dang I just love talking about bidets. They are that good
 
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On a side note, I have read that the electric eye automatic faucets now come with a small hydroelectric generator, using flowing water, to charge this system for its next usage. Have they designed these butt loving contraptions to work on this same principal yet?

The water heaters seat heaters and pumps use a lot of electric I dought that would work.
 
I guess you would be correct. So, if and when I rewire the bathroom, how much money is it going to cost me to get a "butt lover" that works properly?
We have considered just adding a bidet, but I'm not sure about the "dump, jump, and straddle" idea. Seems to me one might end up leaving a trail?

Good God, now I'm divulging TMI!
 
I guess you would be correct. So, if and when I rewire the bathroom, how much money is it going to cost me to get a "butt lover" that works properly?
We have considered just adding a bidet, but I'm not sure about the "dump, jump, and straddle" idea. Seems to me one might end up leaving a trail?

Good God, now I'm divulging TMI!



There's a huge range in pricing. All based on features. They have some bidets that have a built in warm air blower, charcoal filter to minimize smell, warm water wash, different spray patterns...all the way down to music and warm seat before use.


Just look at this way.....it's like riding a roller coaster without having to raise (use) your hands. Or something like that. :D


If I was you, I'd buy the cheapest one out there, then upgrade to luxury when the time comes. Buyer's remorse won't sting as much if the wifey says no.


Someday I'll be selling these right off the truck. It has its value.
 
I would do what Dunbar said. $75.00 unless you are a plumber then I sell them for less. 1 with a heated seat, air dry and all the rest will be about $500.00. Like I said money back garuntee unless the you won't install and use it. often times wives tell the hubby no. well at that point I figure I'm dealing with a guy that has a vagina instead of male genatalia so he deserves to not get his money back.
 
I am not sure if this thread should go in "The Best of" or "The Worst of" column. Either way, I almost always get a laugh out of it.

Let me share the thought process....

I came from a gun forum owned by the same guy. I thought I'd help out, and throw anything out there, Just something to get the ball rolling here.

I am disgusted that this particular thread took on the life it has.

I am also insanely proud of it.:eek:
 
What is sick is the fact that this thread was read 918 times! (high-five smiley inserted here!)
 
Any recommendation on a bidet? I've noticed that most bidets in the $40-$75 range have a plastic 't' adaptor which is prone to leaks. Is there a metal 't' adaptor sold in local Home Depot/Lowes? Also, any recommendation to a bidet??
 
http://forums.gunboards.com/forum.php?

visit this gun forum, very knowledgeable people,

them, if inclined, seek out the minefield .

we have discussed the bidet, bleach buckets, and the glee club.

politics, heretics, pixie sticks, love ,sex, rock n roll, plumbing, framing, fishing,

debuggery, debauchery, and heroes, :D
 
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Check out: xxx for an all Stainless Steel Bidet Sprayer and T-Valve with a 5 year warranty.
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